I'm sad

Sadness has always been something that made me uncomfortable, because let’s face it, what a weak feeling… So I was been angry a lot.

I was angry over reckless driving;

I was angry over drug abuse;

I was angry over lies and false promises from people that never intended to keep them.

I was angry at lack of emotional responsibility;

I was angry at people who let their dogs, who don’t recall, off leash.

I was angry for losing my sunglasses, and for being mugged at the club.

I’ve always used anger to express how mad some things made, but as I grow older and more emotional intelligent I see that there is a lot more than anger hiding behind these statements. This anger comes from a place of sadness, bc it reminds of a friend that drove drunk and passed away, a girl who went to college with me that OD’d and left her family hopeless. It comes from guilt from forgetting something I loved and forgetting who I am. It comes from shame of not knowing better, and from feeling scared about not knowing what’s about to happen.

I now see how anger is the weak feeling, it’s my coping mechanism, because god forbid anyone knows I have feelings like a normal person. I now see people who share their sadness as so brave. For 2023 I want to be strong enough to be vulnerable and say things that I never allowed myself to say. Because feeling, no matter how ugly you might think it is, it’s still a really beautiful thing.

I’m still a newbie at sharing sadness, but i’ve always felt comfort in translating my feelings in the form of art. Sadness is strong, compassionate, and real. So today I’m here to share I’m sad, and i feel empowered to be admitting that.

Take your broken heart and make it into art.

A friend told me about this saying right after I showed her some of the paintings I was doing while I sobbed over the paper. I immediately took a pen and wrote this on my window. I sat on my bed to check it out and lo and behold, there’s the moon at 3 pm on a cold Monday in January . It’s like the universe was telling me to breathe and trust my intuitions.

As any other artist, I pledge to take everything inside of me and turn it into a beautiful thing.

And suddenly, feeling sad doesn’t feel wrong anymore.